INFIDELITY: SOURCE OF CONFLICT IN THE FAMILY

The ends of marriage are the procreation and education of children, mutual support and allaying of concupiscence. On the other hand, its essential properties are unity and indissolubility, which give stability to a Christian marriage by virtue of the sacrament. Today however, the act of infidelity has watered down the essential properties of marriage. Infidelity in relationships has continued to eat deep into the fabric of the society despite all its obvious demerits. According to Chambers Dictionary, infidelity is unfaithfulness especially of a sexual nature. Oxford Dictionary on the other hand, defines it as the action or an instance of not being faithful to one’s husband, wife or partner by having a relationship with somebody else. The central theme is that infidelity remains a contemporary issue whenever the four-letter word ‘love’ rears its head. It is a major source of conflict in the family and also an instrument for divorce. Now, what do we do?
Dos and Don’ts
Marriage has its basic requirements as well as dos and don’ts. In the words of Victor Nyoro, “neither customary court nor canonical marriage tolerates any indecent act with a third party, outside marriage, because it constitutes cheating or infidelity. It is a civil wrong that can be proceeded against by the aggrieved, while it is a religiously punishable crime for Muslims and culpable sin for the Christians as breach of the commandment.” (Legal Security and Christian Marriage, Jamel Publishers and Press: 2004, P.143). In animals, the sex act represents and expresses only the physical attraction and instinct of union as a means of reproduction. In man, sex act is accompanied by some emotions, and even affection. That affection and union should not be lost even in the bitter experiences of life. An ideal family should not accommodate gossip, distrust, bias, hatred, division and the rest; rather the members should live in harmony, mutual trust, love, and respect for each other. A good family should seek common interest and live in communion. This habit can fight pride and lust which are said to be the major causes of infidelity in marriage. The moments of crises in marriage call for dialogue and recourse to prayer. Man is not just an animal but a rational one. The act of infidelity brings one low to the level of other irrational animals.

Infidelity as the Source of Conflict
Infidelity is a product of some lack and it breeds deep-sited guilt that is permanent. A greater percentage of marriages today break up as a result of conflict which is rooted in infidelity of some kind. According to Nyoro “a marriage relationship is essentially between the opposite sexes and conducted within the provision of the applicable formula. Any kind of relationship outside this presumption amounts to a perversion” (ibid., p.11). When there is sexual pervasion in marriage, the result is always conflict which ends up in divorce. And when the family is in crisis, the children grow with a distorted vision of truth, which takes only divine intervention to be corrected. In the words of Bernard A., “marriage is divine in its origin; it is natural in its purpose. It is sacred institution through which the author of life permits his creatures to share in the act of creation. Yet marriage is a contract that must be lived by frail humans in an ever changing and often confusing world” (Single, Marriage Today, New York: AIBA House, 1972, p.1). If man must share in the act of creation, then he must be faithful to the rules of creation.

The Fruits of Infidelity
Infidelity is expensive, dirty and humiliating. It has caused so much pain, agony and subsequently death in many marriages. The fruits of infidelity are in no way edible. They carry with it lasting effects that span beyond the corruption of the body. Anyone who cannot condone the bitterness of these fruits should stay away before it is too late. Infidelity in marriage brings prejudice, hatred, crises, disunity, divorce, as well as death to the family and to the society at large. Hence, Dave Burrows says” sex used outside its purpose is the reason for most problems in the world today than any other single factor. Think about it, every time there is sex outside of marriage the result is one of the following: broken homes, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, illegitimate children, social deviance, over population, … damaged teens, AIDS, death and destruction” (Sex And Dating, USA: Diplomat Press, p.17).

Biblical Perspective
My reflection on biblical perspective shall take off from St. Paul’s injunction, “husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church” Eph.5:25. This love has no room for divorce. Sharon S. Brehm reflects on this when he says, “for those who experience it, however, divorce is often devastating” (Intimate Relationship, 1985, p.12). “So God created human kind in his image, in the image of God he created them male and female”, Gen 1:27. The man and the woman should form one flesh, Gen 2: 24. “Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head …” Eph. 5:21-33. In the Old Testament, if a married woman is found to have had sexual intercourse with another man willingly, she was to be put to death. Both the Old and New Testaments condemn any act of infidelity as gravely wrong and sinful.

Conclusion
According to Thomas Martin, marriage is thus seen as a way of avoiding promiscuous relationship with many people. The partners are sexually faithful to each other (The Challenges Of Christian Marriage, Paulist Press, 1940, p.66) Sexual fidelity brings stability to life. If the society of the day were anxious for anything, it was looking for stability in the life of its people. The Scripture is filled with the need for people to be faithful to their word. God is faithful to Israel. We must be on our guard because infidelity brings conflict; conflict brings divorce; and divorce could be devastating.
By Clement Kafor